Assholes Are Funny
“Peace of mind produces right values, right values produce right thoughts. Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all.”
- Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values (1974)
Values are the ingredients that fuel decision making. Zeno, the founder of Stoicism, believed that virtue was the highest good. I deeply admire Stoic philosophy along with similar concepts found in Buddhism and Viktor Frankl’s more modern logotherapy. Translating such philosophical ideals into practical day-to-day business decision making is a goal many managers aim for but struggle to implement effectively.
Why are discussions about values so rare among workplace teams?
I observe 5 main issues preventing a candid discussion of values in a professional setting:
The vast majority of people believe their actions and decisions are indeed virtuous, using their own definitions. An objective indicator of virtuous versus non-virtuous is elusive. I have found this to be true even when companies have explicitly stated values it communicates to employees.
People find it difficult to identify and express their core values and motivations. People often say a decision or belief comes from ‘gut’ instinct – rationalizing it as a subconscious or unknowable process.
People have different values and struggle to appreciate how someone else’s choices could be so divergent. For example, some might heavily value humor while others feel equally strong about kindness. It is possible for a ‘10 out of 10’ funny person to be a ‘10 out of 10’ kind person, but that is exceedingly rare versus skewing higher in one dimension (more to come on this later).
Values are very hard to teach — hence, they are often left to parents or religious groups. Practical courses on business ethics are not common in higher education. One must learn on the job and from others, either directly or via books or courses.
Talking about values in the workplace makes people squeamish because it can lead to feelings of judgment or uncomfortable conversations.
How to uncover your core values and motivations?
One of the most powerful exercises I participated in occurred during a high-performance leadership session run by LifeLabs. The session was elegant in its simplicity. Across our company’s leadership team of about 10 people, we individually selected our top 4 values after two 1-2 minute timed selection periods. In the process, we each whittled down a list of ~50 values (all qualities that humans generally want ranging from security to innovation to love) down to 10, then to 4. I attempted to recreate the exercise here.
I felt a massive impact from the exercise driven by 1) a genuine and efficient internal debate about what I cared the most about in life and 2) then sharing those top 4 values with the other 9 senior colleagues in the room out loud. Mine are honesty, love, balance, and curiosity.
Why do people consistently overestimate their integrity?
The ‘illusory superiority bias’1 is a fancy psychology term that explains why ~80% of people think they are above-average drivers2. I suspect the same is true for how people perceive their level of virtuousness (assuming it could be accurately measured).
Where have I learned the most about values and leadership?
Whether I am building a relationship with a customer, partner, boss, or employee, I believe it is important to have some validated frameworks to draw upon. For this reason, I consistently seek out literature from high-performance coaches and researchers who share their learnings gleaned from working with hundreds of leaders.
There are 2 books I regularly recommend. Both, unfortunately have somewhat gimmicky titles but are a goldmine of frameworks and actual examples to guide interpersonal decision making.
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership (Dethmer, Chapman, Klemp, 2015)
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Covey, 1989)
As an investor in sometimes highly structured partnerships, I found Covey’s ode to ‘win-win’ deals particularly eloquent3. Conscious Leadership’s insights around “emotional literacy” struck a chord as I skew more introverted and hesitate to share much in a professional setting.
Do high-integrity people just get exploited by the more cutthroat?
I have occasionally received feedback that a highly relationship-focused approach to partnerships will fall prey to the shark who approaches each deal in a more transactional manner. For those who are inclined to believe this, I’d recommend a third book, Extreme Ownership (Willink, Babin, 2015), by 2 former Navy SEAL officers and this podcast with Jim Collins.
So why are assholes funny?
It is certainly possible to be kind and funny. But assholes tend to over-index on being funny.
I define an asshole here as someone who is not necessarily brutally honest or even prone to anger – but someone who is obnoxious and lacks integrity. Of course, there is no binary test for this definition. Obnoxious to some may be perfectly pleasant to others. Taste is personal!
To succeed, assholes typically have to be funny and charismatic. Their coworkers and friends are not choosing to be with them because of their compassion. If someone is disagreeable, dishonest and dull, they would likely live a lonely existence.
Professional comedians are geniuses who expertly balance snark and endearment. The problem is when laypeople attempt to mimic comedians and miss the mark. I’ve seen too many times a poorly crafted joke delivered as an attempt to assuage an insecurity or ego.
This asshole personality type highlights some extreme trade-offs when it comes to values. Some value humor over kindness. Some value loyalty over transparency, or spontaneity over reliability. There is no “right” value to prioritize.
See here. Closely related is the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Love the value choice exercise, thank you! Excited to share it with my team (and my fam).